“Why did you abandon your career as a journalist?” a therapy client once asked me. At that time, I was just beginning my therapy career – albeit grudgingly, because I did not want to go into the healing profession even if my grandmother was a healer, and three of my cousins had followed the healer’s path.
I stared at him, unable to find the words amidst the motley of emotions within. Perhaps sensing my struggle, he stared at me and provided the answer to his own question: “You hearkened to the call,” he said with a smile. It was the first of many instances that I would experience role reversal in my therapy work. When this happens the healer becomes the healee and vice versa. In this particular moment, the client helped me regard my gift to heal as a blessing.
“There are many things that call us out of ourselves and, in the moment we transcend our own boundaries, open us to the presence of the Beloved, to the background call of the cosmos, ” David Spangler writes in his simple yet compelling book, The Call.
The call to help others heal their lives summoned me fourteen years ago, and I ran away from it until I was too tired to run and I finally surrendered. With surrender came acceptance of the call as a gift, and not a curse that forced me to abandon my writing career.
Hearkening to a call is exploring unknown territory. At first it is frightening, but eventually the journey turns into one of discovery, deep learning, and an experience that allows for an intense awakening. It requires a lot of courage and determination. It could also usher in countless moments of confusion as well as epiphanies.
Life as an energy healer was so different from my life as a journalist. Yet, there were similarities too. As a healer and journalist, I had to listen to people not only with my ears but with all my faculties. Healing and writing were also similar in the sense that I had the opportunity to walk through the inner landscapes of other people’s lives.
Although I had neither the time nor energy to continue writing feature stories while I worked as an energy therapist, I wrote in my journal copiously and worked through many nights to do some content writing. It was the only form of public writing that I could squeeze into my schedule. But four years ago I began to explore blogging and was fascinated by the windows of opportunities that it presented. I created a blog on energy healing. Later, I put up a blog about my attempts to go back to public writing, as well as a few others which I had since put down.
Spangler explains that “Calls are around us. We are never bereft of calls. But sometimes we just have to be poised and alert and aware in all directions to listen and to perceive them. We have to recognize that some calls come as whispers, some calls come in very ordinary ways. If we want to hear the big call, we cannot ignore the little ones. After all, the call that comes with a little “c” may be every bit as important, and may in fact be the foundation that allows us to receive the call with a capital “C.”
Although I didn’t realize it then, the desire to blog was a whisper that would lead me to put up this blog on writing. It was a call with a small “c.” As a way of hearkening to this call, I try my best to write a post once a week – every Wednesday. Writing for this blog takes much time and I usually write my posts late at night until the wee hours of the next day. It is hard work but it makes my heart sing and so I have kept it up.
Writing for this blog has allowed me to explore the writing life more closely, and to publicly express my feelings about writing. It has helped awaken a sleeping giant inside me, one that had to go to sleep while I attended to the call to use my gift of healing to help others.
Of late – these past months, specifically – I have felt a restlessness within. It was only a few days ago that I understood the nature of this restlessness – it was a call with a big “C.” The call to write a book. The restlessness ceased immediately the moment I decided to answer yet another call with a big “C.”
25 July 2014
….I also decided I will write a book even if it never gets published.
Therapy work will always be a part of my life – a call with a big “C.” But since the day I wrote in my journal that I would write a book, I have whittled down my list of therapy clients to a handful, in order to give time for another call with a big “C.” The sleeping giant within is beginning to wake up.
Hearkening to a call is always a blind leap of faith. But having hurdled the dramatic challenges brought about by answering the call to help others heal themselves, I am no longer afraid to heed callings of any kind.
I know the pitfalls that hearkening to a call brings. I am no stranger to the challenges. The call to write is so strong and now I know better – it is useless to run away from a calling.
Jill Jepson writes, “Answering the call to write is not easy. It’s not convenient to discover that you will need to spend a significant portion of your time doing hard, often unrewarded labor, much of which may end up moldering unpublished in your file cabinet of sorrows. It throws an over-sized monkey wrench into your financial situation, your family life, and your romantic relationships – and the material rewards are often illusive.”
Jepson’s words are not encouraging at all, and already I am feeling the pinch in my pocket. Transitions are always chaotic, yet within the chaos lies many seeds of possibilities. Book ideas have been knocking on my door. Book titles float in the air. Logistics suddenly become available.
And yet, I know not neither where nor how to begin…
Photo courtesy of Flickr: Creative Commons